The Muslim home (al-bayt al-muslim)

Sheikh Omar Abdelkafy asks whether Muslim homes today would please the Prophet ﷺ and the great scholars, and says that some of them have become cramped, dark or lifeless. ¹ He says that homes without mercy, affection and tranquillity become like prisons, and that each member expects the others to attack him. ² He holds that a safe home is built on gentleness, mutual respect, love and peace, and that each spouse should credit the other when there is need. ³

He recounts a hadith that the best of people is the best to his family, and says that gratitude for children, a wife, wealth and work brings more blessing. ⁴ He refers to a verse on the few grateful servants of God, and gives the family of David as an example of thankfulness (needs_source: the sura is not named in the recording). ⁵

The Sheikh says that secrets spoken in a gathering are a trust, and that only what carries useful knowledge may be repeated. ⁶ He says that homes and gatherings have their secrets, and that people should not carry news of gatherings outside. ⁷ He recounts a hadith that one of the gravest betrayals is for a spouse to pass on the private matters of the other, and says this applies to husbands as much as to wives. ⁸ He cites a hadith that among the greatest betrayals is a husband confiding a secret to his wife and her spreading it, and he gives the wives of Noah and Lot as examples of betraying a secret (needs_source: the hadith is not named in the recording). ⁹ He says that people should be left to worship God and to live as they choose, and that interrogating them pushes them to lie. ¹⁰

The Sheikh criticises spying and prying into people's salaries, purchases and origins, and says that such curiosity betrays a trust. ¹¹ He criticises relatives on both sides who ask spouses about each other's affairs, money and having children, and says people should be left to live. ¹² He cites the Qur'anic prohibition of spying and a saying of the scholars that when doubt arises one should not investigate (needs_source: the sura is not named in the recording). ¹³ He says that every spouse who spies brings evil upon his home. ¹⁴ He says that modern devices used to watch a spouse lead to suspicion and bad outcomes, and he urges trust as the foundation of marriage. ¹⁵ He recounts a hadith about a man who looked into a home through a gap, and the Prophet's rebuke of him (needs_source: the hadith is not named in the recording). ¹⁶

The Sheikh criticises families who ask a suitor about his job, his salary, his house and his mother, and says that meddling in-laws are the greatest danger to new homes. ¹⁷ He says that whoever cuts off his kin loses blessing in his lifespan, his children and his provision. ¹⁸ He urges people to review their wills, and warns that sixty years of good deeds can be undone by one unjust bequest; he says that families who take the rights of others lose their blessing (needs_source: the figure sixty is not sourced in the recording). ¹⁹ He criticises those who complain about prices, the weather, wives, children, in-laws and work, and says this is not beautiful patience. ²⁰

The Sheikh says that Abraham hurried to prepare a calf for his guests, and that scholars of etiquette treat this as a model of hospitality. ²¹ He reports that Ibn Mas'ud loved the guest most, because his provision is with God and the guest brings reward (needs_source: the report is not sourced in the recording). ²² He recounts from the Qur'anic story, without naming the sura, that Abraham served his guests himself and brought the food close to them, and he takes this as the sign of a host's service to his guest. ²³ He says that a visitor should not overstay, and quotes an imam, not named in the recording, who said that he never sat with a heavy-spirited person without feeling the weight of it (needs_source: the imam is not named). ²⁴

The Sheikh says that a man must feed his family from lawful earnings, and he criticises bribery, seizure of property, misuse of office and taking people's rights. ²⁵ He tells that after the death of Jabir ibn Abdullah (may God be pleased with him)'s son, his wife took charge of a matter of a trust, a neighbour's property returned to its owners, and he praises her patience and her good management, so that grief did not spread (needs_source: the story is not sourced in the recording). ²⁶ He says that voluntary prayer should be made at home, and that zakat may be declared openly while charity should be given in secret. ²⁷